THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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