You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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