you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
