he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
