i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
