She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
