Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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