I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
