White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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