Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm like, not good at living.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
