I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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