There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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