Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
