you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
