i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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