omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
