So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
