i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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