No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
