If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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