i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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