Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
