I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
