I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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