I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The air was thick with penises
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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