Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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