I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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