dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize