I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
