After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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