she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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