I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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