I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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