either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
