I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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