I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
