I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize