I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
