I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
