Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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