So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
