His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Two words: nipple clamps
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