you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
