New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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