my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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