your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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