your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
