Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
