every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
