oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
