so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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