So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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