Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
