I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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