Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
