its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
