i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
