Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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