so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
