did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
