I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
