Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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