omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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