Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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