he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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