I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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