doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
