thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
